I am living in a nuclear setup since the time I have been married and no I am not guilty or ashamed about it. Not just me, my parents and in-laws have always lived in a nuclear setup and they wanted to live like that! There’s nothing wrong in it!
People use the word nuclear family like a “gaali” at times. Trust me its not that bad at all. Living in a nuclear family doesn’t mean breaking of relations! Everyone likes their own space, be it children or their parents. When children grow up they have their own personalities, way of living, and opinions, which at times doesn’t match with their parents. There is clash, let’s face it, there is! There is difference of opinion, there is generation gap. There are families which live amicably and try to understand each other, give space, compromise, but its not easy.
Having grown up in a nuclear family hasn’t made me or my children selfish. I am always there for my extended family whenever required. Yes, I admit that there have been days when both the parties have felt lonely or needed the presence of each other, but ultimately they love the way they live. We need to respect that.
Not just the children, even parents want to live in a nuclear setup now. So, lets stop blaming the children! Its understandable since they are used to living on their own terms or in a certain environment and they do not wish to be uprooted.
Even in joint families despite living under one roof people are not on talking terms or in bad terms with each other. So just like people appreciate joint families its time people stop criticizing nuclear families. Both have their pros and cons. Also, for once and all lets stop equating nuclear families with abandoning parents!
June 2005, the month my son started going to playgroup. I still remember both me and my husband were so anxious the night before his first day. Being first-time parents both of us were nervous. Next morning, we both accompanied him to the playgroup. His teacher lovingly took him inside the class and we both watched him go. Here was a chubby, lost, nervous 2-1/2-year-old guy. More than him, I was anxious till the time he came back from the school 3 hours later. In a few days’ time, he settled down happily.
Today 13 years later, I am having the same feeling. It is my son’s first day in Junior College today. The difference this time is that 2-1/2-year-old chubby boy is now a tall, lanky 15-/1/2-year-old who didn’t require us to drop him anymore. Yes, being a tad introvert he was a bit anxious, but I know he will settle down soon. Having spent 10 long years in a school with a huge group of friends, he has to once again settle down in a new environment. Yes..I am waiting for him to come back and give him a tight jhappi..
It seems as if my son has grown up, the mother in me hasn’t yet..😪
During my parents’ time or even before that in arranged marriages the groom used to be at least 8-10 years or even older than the bride. A 20-year-old bride had a 35-year-old groom at times. This was common back then. The reason was the the young girl needed a “mature” man to handle her, which in other words means control/dominate her. It didn’t matter that the wife most of the times turned out to be more worldly mature than the man who believed dominating, subjugating or keeping a check/control on his wife’s life is a sign or maturity/authority/manliness (not generalizing).
Slowly time changed, but the groom still needs to be older than the bride in the “normal scenario”. The sarcastic jokes, memes, posts on an older Priyanka Chopra getting engaged to a younger Nick Jonas is the proof that even younger generation hasn’t been able to come to terms with the bride being older. There have been so many examples of successful marriages where the wife has been older to the husband. Ultimately compatibility, respect, and love matter.
No, I am not a Priyanka Chopra or Nick Jonas fan and the success of their marriage will solely depend on them. It is a decision taken between two adults. The behavior of the public is a totally like the neighborhood nosy aunties, “Arrey dekho, Priyanka ne bachche se engagement kar li..!!” Isn’t it?
Somebody had given me his business card at a meeting and I decided to call him up regarding a prospective business association. On a lazy Saturday afternoon, I dialed that person’s number. The person on the other picked up the call. I said, “Hello, Mr. X remember we had met the other day in the event and we exchanged numbers? I wanted to have a chat with you about something that I have in mind. Is this the right time to talk about it?”
The person on the other end said after a pause, “Ma’am I am not Mr. X. You must have dialed a wrong number. This is God speaking.” I got annoyed and said, “Look here Mr. X if you don’t want to continue with this conversation that’s okay, but don’t make a joke out of it. It’s not funny at all.” The voice on the other end said, “Ma’am I am not joking. Trust me this is God.” I decided to check whether it was God Himself or someone was playing a prank on me. I asked the person, “So tell him, if you are really God on the other end, what was going on in my mind 2 hours ago?” I was so sure that the person would come up with some lame reply. He said, “Two hours ago you were worried about your father’s health, your son’s admission, the dilemma whether you should call Mr. X or not, and your thumb pain.” I was stunned. “Oh my God! He reads mind.”
I told Him, ” I believe you. A request to you God, Please stop the catastrophe in Kerala. Why are you punishing innocent people? Not done God.” He said, “Don’t you think you humans are responsible for the disasters that happen? Whenever some calamity happens you blame me. Sometimes its your own breaking of rules, sometimes its the urbanization and cutting of jungles, sometimes its your lack of empathy that you don’t help an injured person lying on the road bleeding, sometimes killing the little daughters in the womb, sometimes taking your own life as you can’t cope up with failures or not seeking help for depression and loneliness.” I was silent for a moment and said, “You know God you are right. We always look for an alibi or look for someone else to shift the blame for our own faults. You have given us a beautiful life, but we don’t want hardships in it. We might not thank you when we are happy, but we so easily blame and accuse you when we are sad or having a tough time. You must be feeling so pissed off at times, no?”
He laughed and said, “No, I am used to it. All I want is that people should start valuing their own life, valuing the life of others, valuing their planet, and love their beautiful life. I am always there for everyone, whether you remember me or not.”
I said, “Frankly God for the past few days I was pretty annoyed with you. So many friends of mine have a better life than me. I asked you so many times, “Why not me? Why is their life better than mine when I deserve better than them. But I guess I need to value my life better.” God said, “Oh! another nuisance in your world now, social media! People get carried away easily and start comparing their life. Don’t believe always what you see and even if the other person might be leading a better life than you, it won’t make any change to your life if you start cribbing and comparing! Isn’t it? Right now you should be concentrating on materializing your business association with Mr. X. It might work or it might not work. But that shouldn’t deter you from pursuing your dreams. If not Mr. X then it will be somebody else!”
I smiled and said, “Thank you so much God. I needed to hear this. I am a very reserved person and can’t share my feelings with everyone. I thought of visiting a counselor to pour my heart out, but you are the best counselor and I am happy that I dialed your number, even though I didn’t mean to. Can I call you some time again?” He replied, “Well! You don’t a number to call me. You can simply share your feelings aloud or write it down and I will be there to hear you out, help you out, as always. It was nice talking to you. Take care and all the best.” He disconnected the call. I felt so light and happy talking to Him.
Next day, I felt like to talking to Him once more. I went to the call list and when I checked that phone number had disappeared.