Newfound adulthood

Yesterday my son went to meet few of his college friends face to face for the first time, since they have met only virtually since the college hasn’t opened due to Covid. A classmate of theirs specially came down from a small town in Gujarat. When my son and his classmates reached the venue that guy didn’t turn up. Coincidentally, he was just in a club in the vicinity.My son and his friends went to meet him up in that club. My son said that that guy was sloshed and could barely walk properly. There was a girl with him who had also come down from his town and she was also sloshed and was not in her senses. They both were awestruck by Mumbai and its club and the freedom. I wonder who took care of the kids and took them back to their hotel/home as both were drunk.

I don’t know about their family background or how conservative or liberal their parents are and I won’t judge them either. The only thing that I keep on reiterating to my adult son is that “You should be aware of your surroundings and also the decisions.”

As recently grown-up adults, its very easy for the kids to be swayed by the newfound freedom and get carried away. Its very important for the parents to communicate well their children and rather than imposing too many restrictions or being too ignorant, they should keep the communication channel open.

This is another phase of parenting again!

The backbenchers..

#backbenchersnotlosers When I go back to my school and college time, I remember how teachers would rebuke the back-benchers of the class. Most of them didn’t pay attention to what was being taught, would always do mischief and end up being punished. There were many who couldn’t even speak English or express themselves properly.

Decades later now, I see many of them doing extremely well in life. They are not great conversationalists, street smart, globetrotters, and pretty successful in life. I am envious of many of them as I missed out on the last bench masti and carefree attitude as a child since I was a good student and the conventional “good girl.”

One should never judge a child by where he sits in the class or how well he/she can converse or how well he/she scores in the class. The child as a grown up can be successful if he strives hard for it and has the street smartness and the capability to groom himself/herself. Also, since neither the parents or the society have any expectations from them, they are more at ease to make their own destiny. The back-benchers are often the more successful ones in do not label them as losers when they are kids..

This year..go easy..

Imagine you are asked to attend a webinar everyday for 6-7 hours daily, have to pay attention, have to be present, cannot show displeasure, cannot be anxious, cannot be bored; how would you, as an adult, feel?

So, when our kids for the past 1 year are attending the online classes, staring at their screens, missing the human touch, their friends, their classrooms, playground, teachers, activities; how are they not supposed to feel worn out or bored or anxious? I see many parents getting worked up, parents of nursery and class 1 and 2 students, scolding their kids and getting worried about their future.

Be a little more lenient this year. Its okay if their performance is not up to your expectations. Take a note of the circumstances. The kids are not supposed to live this life. Go lenient on yourself as a parent; you are managing multiple things together and it has not been an easy year for you as well. Let a little normalcy prevail (no not the new normal). Go easy on days, just play and talk. It will relax both you and your children. Higher classes will as such cause tension and stress.

But for now…relax a little..

Don’t wait to celebrate..

This January 23rd would have been my parents’ 49th wedding anniversary. Every year I send cake and flowers to my parents on their special days. This year since I was traveling abroad my mother thought they would miss their anniversary cake and flowers. Hence, I had decided to surprise them and had placed the order for the cake and flowers before leaving. But life had other plans and my father left for heavenly abode 20 days prior to their anniversary. With a heavy heart, I had to cancel the order.

When parents start ageing you realize that the days are counted. Every year when I send my parents flowers and cake on their birthdays, anniversary, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, I tick it as one more year when I could make the day special for my parents. It’s nothing, just cake and flowers or an FB post wishing them and they would be happy just with that.

Everyday is special, but there is nothing wrong in making the “special” days special. It might be just a call, just an FB wish, just a WhatsApp wish, but its good to remember that occasion, celebrate it, cherish it.

Tomorrow, might be the person whom you wish might no longer be there, tomorrow I might no longer be there…so better cherish all the celebrations..kya pata kal ho na ho..

My daughter’s first friend..

Covid times have been tough for children. They have put up a brave front but on days even online chats with friends and confinement at home is frustrating for them.Today was one such day when my daughter was feeling low having not met her school friends since so many months. I couldn’t see my usually chirpy and cheerful daughter like that. I stepped in as her “friend”. I tried talking about movies, we laughed at lame jokes, browsed through some cosmetics on Nykaa, ordered cake and coffee (mini party) and I tried cheering her up.

I know I cannot be the replacement of her gal pals, but I will be her first friend forever…🙂

Normalize motherhood!

Can mothers please stop blaming themselves for any issue that happens with the child or should I say can the people around her make her stop feel guilty or blame her for every single thing? Either you keep the mother on the pedestal or keep blaming her! Treat her like a simple human being who will make mistakes and learn from them, just like any other human!

So many years of experience as a mother has taught me this that mothers should normalize making mistakes, normalize faltering, normalize getting depressed, normalize getting angry with her kids, normalize taking rest, normalize not cooking if she doesn’t feel like, normalize junk food for the kids once in a while, normalize not involving the kids in any activities, normalize her existence as a human..

Kuch bhi ho..ultimately kids will grow up fine!

Memories of firstborn..

Virat Kohli helping Anushka Sharma in doing Shirshasaan is trending on Twitter now. Both are understandably all excited to welcome their first child and both the parents should be equally involved at all steps of parenthood.

Since this month is an eventful month for me where my firstborn turns 18, it took me back to the memory lane. Just about married, we were ready to step into parenthood quite early, but both of us were extremely elated and excited. Every morning, my husband would hold my hand when we climbed the Borivali station over-bridge, we would share pizza and coke at the end of the day when both of us would be tired and didn’t feel like cooking, would end up reading parenting books, every week would wait for Baby Center mails. The best care that a mother can get is being kept happy by the father of the child, by being involved at every step.

Its been 18 years, 2 children, the involvement of both of us is still the same.
We still share our pizza and coke, only its the 4 of us now 🙂

Black and White television and memories


In the mid 80s, every household didn’t own a television. My maternal grandparents had a black and white television and were the first ones to get a TV in our family. Every summer vacation apart from the excitement of visiting them, we looked forward to watching TV. My grandparents were in Kolkata and we used to watch Bangla news, Chitrahaar, and mainly Bengali programs there. Doordarshan had fixed timings those days. I remember my Nana feeding us dinner while we watched the TV.

Some memories remain etched forever. Today everyone has a mobile and we have lots of options in terms of programs to watch. Everyone can watch their movies or series of choice in their privacy. The grandparents can watch programs of their choice and so can the grandchildren. No one is obliged to watch the same program together.

I don’t remember what the programs were or which brand the TV was of, I associate the black and white TV with the affection of my maternal grandparents. The black and white TV and the grandparents have departed long back, but those memories are evergreen,

Support for the “wise” women..

We all know about postpartum depression as this is discussed a lot now. More than physical care, a new mother needs emotional care, which is often ignored by the family and society. Its perceived that a new mother has to be “happy” and her emotions are overlooked.

Same is the case with the mother of another category, the moms of growing up or grown up children. This category of women are ageing, with some breakdown in their health, and of course who can forget the darned hormones! How much a new mother might prepare herself for her baby, she is not prepared enough when the baby is actually born. Similarly it doesn’t matter how much we talk about coping with empty nest syndrome, missing the childhood of the now independent grown-up children, the hormone havoc, nothing prepares the women when it actually happens.
So, just like the new mother this “wise” mother also needs equal support, more emotional than physical. Raising a little bundle to a full grown human is fulfilling yet exhausting. Let the immediate family, extended family, people in general be more supportive than being critical.

The journey of motherhood wasn’t achieved in one day…

Another legend gone..

I am a Probashi Bangali (Bengali born and raised outside Bengal). My brush with Bangla movies was through what my parents used to watch on Doordarshan (the only channel during my childhood) and a movie or 2 once a year when we visited Kolkata. To be honest, not all actors or movies interested me; partly because I grew up in a different environment and culture, partly because my Bangla vocabulary is not very strong, partly because I found few black and white movies outdated.

But Uttam Kumar and Soumitra Chatterjee’s movies never failed to evoke interest. Both actors were not just suave and great actors, they had a contemporary vibe to them. Both were equally loved by my parents’ generation and mine alike. Both were natural actors with charisma. Uttam Kumar passed away untimely and was a big loss.

Today another legend left us. I always remarked that Soumitra Chatterjee and Amitabh Bachchan are the only 2 legendary actors who are still fit, still acting, still smart and charismatic, still have the hunger for good work.Mr. Chatterjee’s loss is huge, irreplaceable. But till his last days he was active and continued doing what he loved the most, acting. Rest in peace.