Feelings aren’t gender specific..

When I was expecting my daughter, my son was 4 years old. My husband those days was extremely busy with his work and it was me and my sonny boy most of the time. We had involved him from day 1 of my pregnancy. He would hold my hands when I would walk with him on uneven roads or in rainy season. He was only 4, but he was confident that he wouldn’t let me fall. He would come back from school, eat, watch TV for a while or play on his own while I rested, especially during the last trimester. He would accompany me for the regular check-ups, get excited when he heard the Doppler. He was extremely happy when his sister was born and even then took great care.

My son is almost 17 now, but he is still the same..Empathy, love, care, compassion aren’t gender specific.

Role Model

My son learns drums from a young guy from Manipur. He must be around 27 years old and has been teaching drums since the past 8-9 years, means started out pretty young. He attended college, learnt drums himself and started teaching drums to others. At the same time, he goes for trekking, performs at gigs, has dreams of expanding his studio, and so on. My son loves to interact with him, not just as a mentor but as a young man with varied interests and dreams.
There are various good role models for children around us. My son has common friends who at this tender age have started smoking and wasting money. At the same time, there are young people like this drum teacher or my son’s friend who teaches dance and pays his tuition fees. Whom you interact with or get inspired by is totally your prerogative. This holds true throughout the life..

Raising influence-free children!

You can stop your child from watching TV or mobile for bad influence in terms of manners or language, how will the child be protected from badly-behaved elders in and outside the house? They influence much more. Elders who fight, who don’t say sorry, who insult, who rebuke, who use foul language, who yell and shout, who honk unnecessarily, who treat helpers badly, who break the queue, who don’t believe in gender equality, who spit and throw garbage anywhere, the list is endless..

Of course, ultimately the onus to raise “influence-free” kids comes on the parents! 😀

The inevitable transition

My son and his group of friends have studied in the same school from nursery till 10th. Everyday I used to hear about their conversations, their pranks, their masti, the fun they had in school from my son. The boys used to come to my house and I always loved their free and frank conversation and laughter. Now all being in different colleges and in 12th, they meet once in a while. One of the boy’s family is going through financial issues and the boy now takes dance classes and pays his tuition fees. His parents insist that he study harder as he has only education to fall back on in the tough times.
It made me ponder. Isn’t life just like that? Eventually the carefree life and laughter is somewhere replaced by responsibilities and realities of life. This transition is inevitable. Maturity eventually sets in and transforms the kids into worldly wise adults, sooner or later.

Age should be just a state of mind

“Elderly couple dancing on their 50th wedding anniversary.” “Grand old lady watching cricket in the stadium.” “Old ladies having fun.” “Uncle dancing freely like no one is watching.” “Elderly lady wearing make-up/modeling.”
Why is the word “old” or “elderly” emphasized so much, especially in our country? May be because culturally elderly people in our country are supposed to behave and dress in a certain way, have only “old people” choices, think in a certain line. If they dance, enjoy or have fun, they are looked at with awe. Such grand old men and women make headlines and are appreciated for being “so full of life even at this age.”
Dressing up, enjoying, having desires shouldn’t have any age bracket. Such men and women should be treated “normally” and all these things should be made a part of life of the elderly. They need to spend their golden years the way they wish to, not caring about “log kya kahenge.” Rather living in such a manner will result in more happy elderly people in our country who would want to live and not count their days of life.

Raising is the toughest part of parenting

There is inherently something wrong with the way 90% boys are raised in our country. They are raised as entitled brats, some kind of “divine blessing” who are pampered, never taught to take No for an answer, never taught household chores, never taught about gender equality, consent and so on. Of course, there are moms like me or dads like my husband who are trying to raise responsible sons but still that percentage of parents is less. When a girl says NO, the boys throw acid, throw them off the high-rise building, stab them, stalk them, abuse them! I was talking to my son about this and he said, “If a girl says No, I will simply back off and leave it at that.” That’s how it should be. The ego of most boys is inflated thanks to their upbringing and they cannot take a NO from a girl. They can harm if she “dares” to do so.
Who gives the right to the boys to do so? A girl’s face gets disfigured, she lives in constant fear or even dies if she refuses. Ironically, even in such cases most girls are asked to hide or ignore by the family or society.
Simply giving birth is not enough, raising them to be good humans with good values is what is the toughest part of parenting. A well-raised child is an asset to the society and a wrongly-raised child can be a nuisance for everyone. Let Indians treat sons more like a child and less like an entitled brat.

Life lessons

On days when I tell my son to take an auto and save time instead of waiting for the bus and he says “No Maa, A penny saved is a penny earned”, I know he has matured. This is the very child of mine who would ask for a stuff without checking its price or whether its really required or not. Of course, he was much younger back then. Now, he he knows what is important or necessary or priority and what is just an impulsive buy! Of course, we do indulge him once in a while. But this lesson learnt will help him throughout his life.