Keeping us informed

#keepingusinformed
One of the very early habits that I had inculcated in my children was to keep me or their dad informed about their whereabouts and try to stick to the time allotted to them. It started from the time when my son was younger and would go down in the building compound to play. I would ask him to be back by a certain time and most of the days he would. If he wanted extra time, he would come and seek permission or call me from the friend’s home. Back then he didn’t have a mobile. Now when both my kids have mobile, its mandatory for them to keep me and their dad posted about their whereabouts on our Family WhatsApp group or give us a call. The days its slips out of their mind I reiterate that they have to keep me posted and its about their well being. Thankfully, both my kids understand the importance of this and generally don’t falter to inform us or keep us posted. I think as parents its extremely important to inculcate a sense of responsibility in our children right from a very young age. A habit once inculcated remains throughout the lifetime.

Maa ka Dil

My son is currently awaiting his admission to junior college. This is the first time since nursery, i.e., since the time he began his student life that he has such a long break. Its just a matter of few more days and his college will commence and he will soon begin another exciting phase of a new life. Any waiting period is the longest period in a person’s life. So, my “Maa ka mann” doesn’t want to leave him alone nowadays. Its not that we both are chatting for hours or that he has stopped me from going out often or having fun. He is busy listening to music, doing his own stuff, sometimes socializing with friends, going for his drum classes, and so on and I am busy with my freelance work, writing, and we might be in 2 different rooms, but somehow I don’t like to leave him alone. Sometimes I might simply go and crack a silly joke or bore him with my childhood stories or simply give him a “teenage phase gyaan.” The smile or smirk on his face makes me happy and the bored or worried expression makes me sad.
We moms are really strange beings nahin? The invisible umbilical cord will remain till the day we exist..

The lonely girl

Yesterday while going through a post where a mother mentioned how her husband’s transferable job and constant shifting affected her daughter’s school life.  She used to be a chirpy girl with a lot of friends but now in the new school she is being teased and sidelined.  Nobody wants to take her in their group.  Now that chirpy girl is quiet and sad and detests going to school.  The mom wanted a solution to make her daughter happy again.

I could so relate with the little girl.  I myself have studied in 5 different schools, different boards, and I know the feeling.  I was a studious girl who though not extrovert had her share of friends.  But once I had to change a school in class 9 things became different.  I was bullied in that school, no girl wanted to add me in their group, the mentality was extremely conservative, and I hated going to that school.  I would end up crying many times, sometimes in front of my mom, sometimes alone.  My grades also dropped.  I started withdrawing into a shell.  Those were the teen years, which affect the kids the most.  I started missing my old school, old friends, and wondered why my dad changed his job.

It took me a lot of years to come out of that shell.  In between I had to face body shaming too and that further broke my confidence.  People don’t realize how damaging their words can be for a child.  They simply pass a comment and laugh it off, but that moment breaks a child even more.  It took me almost 10 long years to be happy in my skin, make more friends, be more outgoing.

That’s the reason I always tell my children to make any new child in their class feel comfortable, go and talk to them.  The higher the class, the more difficult it is to adjust.  Of course, there are children who can do that easily, but then there are people like me who can’t!  Those years of my life cannot be reversed back and made happier.  Those years taught me a few lessons:

  1.  Never bully anyone, be it as a child or as a grown-up.
  2. Try to make a new person feel comfortable in that unknown environment.
  3. Never body shame any child/adult.  It hurts badly.
  4. Never take advantage of their vulnerability.

That little girl will also learn her lessons in the harsh way, which will make her more stronger and practical.  Her mother’s heart will break to see her upset and lonely.  Parents can help only to a certain extent.  I simply hope that girl soon finds good friends and becomes happy and chirpy like before.

Paying peanuts in the name of salary..

Women of this generation want to be financially independent yet sometimes due to lack of support system, family issues, or may be some other problem they are unable to pursue a full-time job.  In this generation of Internet and technology, working from remote locations has come across as a blessing.  Flexible timing and the flexibility to work from home lures many women and they are interested in such jobs.

When somebody posts a work-from-home job for women, there are hundreds of women who show interest and provide their contact details.  When they are contacted back and when asked about salary, its something like “4000/- for a 6-7 hour job.”  These are the jobs where there are no other perks, benefits, direct help from the office.  Simply because so many women are desperate to do something, is it justified to offer them peanuts in the name of salary?

In content writing and other freelance writing jobs, the writer is paid as less as 30 paise per word.  Do the employers believe that writing is an easy job?  A woman has some problems and hence she wants to work from home, taking care of all the domestic issues and many oppositions, and is ready to give in her 100% and what she is offered is just too, too less.

A dedicated 6-7 hour work with all the efforts put in deserves much better.  Since the number of candidates for the jobs is more than the jobs, women are ready to take any job which might offer them even 2000/- per month.

Let’s be more fair to these women and be more encouraging.  Let the job industry realize that if they need dedicated and sincere women to work for them, they need to pay them better or at least give them better perks.  Women in India as such have to fight many, many battles to prove their mettle, the least the employers can do is recognize their efforts in a more dignified manner rather than trying to cut cost and squeeze out more work by paying peanuts.

Communication gap between teachers and teen students..

When my son was in class 8, a teacher who used to teach him in class 4 often remarked sarcastically, “Look at you! You have changed so much since the time you were in class 4.” My son throughout his school life was appreciated for his good behavior, but again adolescence is an altogether different ball game. She expected his behavior to remain the same as it was in class 4! Most teachers are not equipped to handle preteen and teen students. But then there were teachers whom all the students hugged and cried during their class 10 farewell. Those teachers though strict understood the students of the higher classes.
Just as there is ECCD course for teachers to be equipped to handle the toddlers and nursery and KG students, there should be courses to equip the teachers to handle the secondary and the higher secondary students. I do understand teachers are underpaid, overworked, and there are terribly-behaved teen students and their parents, but then sometimes the teachers also try to handle the teen students like the KG students!
Our society in general is inept in handling preteens and teenagers. They are labeled rebellious, rude, arrogant, badly behaved, defiant and what not, but along with the parents the teachers should also try to handle them with love and a little understanding. My son’s 10th class teacher was a wonderful lady whom the kids adored simply because she came down to their level and understood them.
Also, with due respect to all women, women should take up teaching only if they are interested and not because its a job where they can get holidays with their own children. My own sister and few friends are teachers and I have seen them handle older kids with a lot of patience.
I write this today because I can see a similar pattern in the teachers handling my daughter’s class now. My daughter and her friends are now preteens and again few teachers are unable to handle the higher classes. I sincerely hope that the communication between the senior students and teachers is as lovingly as it is in the formative years.

Emotions and Elation-Book Review

Banani

Each expectant mother goes through a different journey, each relationship with the unborn child special. This book is a piece of my soul. It does not aim to be a guidebook but is a detailed journal of my beautiful journey. Yes, my body went through a tremendous transformation and not every moment was as smooth as I thought it to be. What started out as a period of pampering and feasting was soon overshadowed by bouts of miserable times as well. A long separation from my husband and a gnawing loneliness marred my joy. I want to take you on an emotional ride, one that touched every nerve of my being. a joy that has to be experienced to be believed. welcome to my world !

Synopsis at the back of the book.

Book Title: Emotions And Elation
Author: Banani Das Dhar 
Format: Paper Back
Total Number of Pages: 90
Language: English
Publisher: HALF BAKED BEANS 
Publishing Date: 4 June 2018
ASIN: B07DHB9521

 

MY REVIEW

Being a mother myself, I was eager to read the first-hand account of a first-time would be mother and her pregnancy journey.  It was a wonderful read.  The narration of the incidents was extremely lucid and I could visualize them unfolding in front of my eyes.  Right from the time the author discovered that she was pregnant, to the anxiety, to the coping up of joy and sorrow together, the journey has been described beautifully.

I loved the author’s husband’s love and cooperation throughout the pregnancy despite him going through a phase of sorrow.  The husband’s perspective also added freshness.  The narration is crisp.  The emotional journey of 9 months till the time the bundle of joy arrives can be felt through the author’s words.

All-in-all an extremely endearing read, which every woman who has gone through this stage would be able to relate to.  I would recommend this book to all the book lovers.

My Ratings:

Cover: 5/ 5 stars

Writing: 4/5 stars

Characters:  5/5

Buy it from Amazon.in

 

Who gives people the right to abuse?

It was raining yesterday night.  Me and my daughter were waiting for an auto to go back home.  Since it was raining, there was scarcity of autos.  One auto agreed to take us home.  Just behind the auto was a car, which was continuously honking and the driver was impatient.  Just as we started our ride, the car driver overtook the auto, halted it, and started abusing the autowala.  He said, “Agar ladies nahin hoti, to tujhe dekh leta.”  Just as the autowala mumbled something, the car driver got down and came charged towards the autowala and without any warning kicked him.  Me and my daughter were scared by then.  But I guess the autowala didn’t retaliate because we were in his auto.  The man nonchalantly zoomed off in his car and the autowala embarked his journey.

Both me and my daughter felt extremely bad for the autowala.  Isn’t road rage very common in our country?  People don’t have patience or manners.  Despite heavy traffic, honking doesn’t stop.  The man in the car must be abusing and behaving like this with everyone, especially people whom he believes are below his standard.

Who gives people the right to abuse? Beating up people, lynching is becoming more and more common in our country.  Some people believe its their birthright to be abusive.  They don’t have an iota of remorse about their behavior.  Abusing poor people, women, children, elderly is the way of their life!  That’s how they are raised, that’s what they have observed throughout their life.  That’s what makes them “powerful”, they believe.

They believe they are above law and that they have the right to solve matters in this manner.

That poor autowala works hard to earn a living and support his family in this Maximum City, which as such is a tough place to survive.  On top of that, daily abuse by such people add to his woes.  If people can’t be compassionate, the least they can do is control the way they behave.