Women..seek help and stop pleasing all..

I have seen so many women complaining that they are overworked on Sundays, vacations, and festivals.  They are stressed out with work when there are guests at home.  They slog and slog catering in to the demands of the husband, children and guests nonstop!  Women..stop just stop!

You are a human not a robot who has no emotions or pain.  You are supposed to work relentlessly without complaining, with a smile on face, and run errands and serve everyone like you never ever get tired.  Just stop projecting yourself as a superhuman!

Sundays or holidays should be your rest day too.  Be more vocal please!  Seek help and cooperation from your family.  Unless you are vocal no one is going to bother about your tiredness, overwork, stress, aches and pains.  Stop making 100s of dishes for everyone, as per their whims.  You need to tell your husband and children to help you out in the kitchen if they want dishes of their choice.  It is totally unacceptable that they watch TV or play games while you slog and sweat alone.  It’s totally okay to order or eat out once in a while.  Stop bothering about who judges you.

If the guests come unannounced/announced, try to accommodate your schedule and give a polite hint that you will cook only the basic stuff with may be 1 or 2 delicacies.  I have heard and seen women lament that despite cooking delectable dishes no one appreciates, rather everyone believes that the woman could have done more.  You don’t need to be rude, but you don’t be a doormat either.  Again, stop bothering about who judges you.

In a day and age of nuclear families, working women, women wanting to do more than just slog in the kitchen, families and guest should be helpful and understanding.  Women suffer silently and people take her for granted.  Don’t try to be an “ideal wife, mother, daughter-in-law, host” rather be more human in your approach.  Be the woman who gets help, sits with everyone and eats and chats.  Outsourcing and seeking help won’t make you any less of a woman or host.  Don’t wait for anyone “allowing or disliking” this approach.  You worry about everyone’s comfort and choices, count yourself in them as well.

Again, stop bothering about who judges you.  Ask the people who judge you to come and help you, will they?

Making comedy movies is no joke!

When will filmmakers realize that making comedy movies is not easy at all? Just watched Housefull 4 and yesterday watched trailer of Pati, patni aur woh. Both utterly disgusting. When will dialogue writers realize that writing sexist dialogues or potty humor is not funny! Evoking laughter is a tough job and the actors, directors and dialogue writers need to understand that. Yes..there have been innumerable funny mindless comedy movies, but watching few of them still bring a smile on our face. But off late, these two movies are examples of cringe-worthy comedy. Kuch bhi likh do, public to bewakoof hai na!
Making comedy movies is no joke..literally!

Age No Bar..

Yesterday a KBC contestant’s comparison of women post 40s and 50s in India and abroad was so true. He said women there enjoy their life, work, dance and party even in their 70s and 80s and here women are supposed to behave in a certain way post 40 and 50 and it’s believed that their life is finished. Though I believe our generation of post 40 women are much better off and don’t bother about what society thinks how they should behave or dress up, still a majority of Indian elderly women are supposed to follow the norms of the society. How many times do we see women in their 50s, 60s, or 70s party hard, dance like no ones watching, laugh like crazy or do what they wish to! If they do, either they are laughed at or appreciated for what they are doing “even at this old age”.
Let women simply not be relegated to being old, grandmotherly or pooja paath mode once they hit a certain age. Age should be never a deterrent for enjoying life or realizing your dreams.

Reality check..

Yesterday, while watching KBC Karmveer episode, the words of Dr. Brijmohan Bharadwaj, the noble soul who runs Apna Ghar with his wife Dr. Madhuri Bharadwaj, and helps the homeless and needy people touched me somewhere. He said they don’t accept any kind of awards or recognition for their work. In his words, “When a mother or father bring up her their children or take care of them they don’t do it for recognition or rewards. It’s a natural process.”
Often Indian parents expect a lot from their children. They want the recognition of their sacrifices, want the kids to repay them back whatever they have done when the parents get old, want reassurance and acknowledgment. May be, its human nature. But more the expectations, more the grudge and sorrow if they remain unfulfilled.
Some of the noble souls doing selfless work without asking for anything in return teach us so many things. Sometimes reality check is very important.

Festivals and new clothes..

One of the biggest excitements of our childhood days for the arrival of any festival was getting new clothes. Most of us from our generation had a pretty simple life where we got new clothes only on our birthday and the major festival of that community. Durga Pujo for me was wearing those new clothes that my mom would have bought months ahead, nothing fancy, not branded, yet gave immense happiness. With limited money, I wonder how she managed to buy everything for everyone!
Now with online shopping and better buying capacity, kids or even adults don’t have to wait for any occasion to buy new clothes or gifts. So, somewhere that association of new clothes with festivals is not there any more. My kids are actually surprised to hear about “pujo shopping” as for them shopping is done throughout the year!
For us association of new clothes with festivals, outings, eating out was something else..

Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes and colors..

Recently, I came across a video by Nandita Das and many other actors depicting the obsession with fairness in our country.  It felt good that at least people are trying to break this obsession, but deep down we all know that it will take ages to change this mindset.

Now, let’s come to one more issue that I have personally faced, shaming the short and the chubby.  Yes..I have faced it a lot, in my growing up years.  A society where there are set standards of beauty generally looks down up someone, especially girls, who don’t fit in that bracket.

Just take a look around.  All the beauty pageants want the contestants to be of a certain height, clear/fair complexion, slim figure.  Same is the case with air hostess selection or even in the “marriage market.”  Someone who fits in this standard of beauty has also an upper hand in school plays, jobs, and sometimes even in friendships.

Now who will decide what’s beautiful?  When someone tells me “Thank God your kids have taken after their dad and are tall” it makes me ponder, “Is being short a crime?”  I have myself faced so much of flak for being chubby that I had promised myself that I will never allow my children to face this flak.  Of course, I wanted them to be fit and be active, but more than that I did not want them to be ridiculed socially or be made fun of.

It took me years to be happy in my own skin, to be confident.  But somewhere the childhood scars still remain deep down.  It’s very important that the families teach their kids to be confident in their own skin and love themselves the way they are rather than trying to make them fairer, taller or prettier.  Also, adults themselves should stop commenting and obsessing about all the so-called stereotypes of beauty and pass this trait to their children.

As I always remark, “It seems the mannequins in the shops weren’t designed for people like us.”  Let the concept and notion of beauty change.  It’s high time..

All good..

Sending mail to the client, giving instruction to the cook what to make, simultaneously ordering from Bigbasket, yelling at the son to study, making a mental to-do list, checking WhatsApp messages in between, writing blogs, calling up my mom, giving life lessons to the adolescent daughter, nagging the not-so-young husband, making failing efforts to catch up with friends, trying to combat the aches and pains with a smile..
Phir koi pooche to I say with a smile “All good”..Sounds familiar?