Recently my dad had his second minor heart attack in a span of 6 months.  He had to undergo angioplasty and stent placement again.  Naturally as a family we all were worried.

Then started coming the phone calls and WhatsApp messages asking about his health.  More than positive words 95% of the people had words which would make anyone worry even more.  Why o why do people do this??  Don’t they realize that the family as such is under a lot of tension and the patient is mentally and physically weak?

So, more than what to say people should not know what not to say and most importantly where!

1.  When visiting or calling up a patient/patient’s family never ever ask about the minutest details.  The family members are under a lot of stress and in no mood to discuss the details again and again and again.  Just reassure them with few positive words and that’s it!
2. When visiting a new mother, don’t start discussing her mode of delivering the baby (C-section in most cases), breastfeeding challenges, gender of the baby (mostly people are sick in their opinions when its a girl child), or what the doctor should have done (really?).
3. When talking to the moms of children never ever compare the kids, specially if a mother is worried about her kid not achieving a milestone in a certain period.  Never compare about how someone else kid is a fast learner, smarter, sharper, etc., etc.  Try to motivate the mother and not demotivate her.
4. When someone is depressed and confides in you never share his/her details with others.  That’s breach of trust.  That person in his/her moment of weakness must have confided in you.  You cannot give out the details to others, that’s totally unacceptable!
5. When visiting a patient, never, never tell him/her how frail or weak he/she has become.  It causes so much of distress to the patient.
6. Never tell a kid how thin, fat, dark, short he/she is.  Even adults should not be told this.  But kids, never.  They are at an impressionable age and can get hurt very easily.  It shakes their confidence.
7. Never ask a girl who has just reached her 20s when she is getting married.  If she is married, don’t bug her with when she is going to have a child!  Certain things are very personal and totally a person’s choice.
8. Never demean your family members on public platform in front of thousands of strangers whom you don’t know and who will make an opinion about your family members.  Why should you do that?

There’s a very thin line of difference between being concerned, showing sympathy and being rude/inconsiderate.  Choose your words wisely.  Words have the power to heal and hurt both..

Few days ago there was a such a great news when few Kerala students decided to keep the caste column empty in school forms. It was a refreshing change from the youngsters of the country. Wish the minds of the people was like that column which could be kept blank and no religion or caste needed to be written on it.

Picture this in most cases, an Indian doesn’t win a medal, a Haryana girl or Karnataka boy does. A child/woman doesn’t get raped, a Hindu or Muslim girl does. Don’t we already see castes and religions fighting for an upper hand always, still in the 21st Century?

#learningprocess

I was newly married then, being a Bengali didn’t have much idea about North Indian dishes. My husband, also a Bengali, but raised in Himachal and studied in Dehradun has more inclination towards North Indian cuisine. So, here I was just a few days after marriage and hardly having any idea about cooking and my husband asks me to make Rajma and matar paneer. I didn’t soak the rajma and just put it in the pressure cooker and despite many whistles the rajma was still hard. Matar paneer I don’t how I made it tasted terrible. My husband’s friend came over and both ate the food “chupchap” saying “achcha hai”😂I knew how horrible they tasted. Present day, 16 years into marriage,I make delectable rajma, kaali dal, matar paneer, and chole☺️This happened in a span of over few years and not in the first year itself. For me, it was a learning process.

आज नन्ही पायल बहुत खुश थी.  सुबह से अपनी माँ को हज़ार बार याद दिला चुकी थी की वह उसका लहंगा निकाल कर रखे.  महज़ नौ साल की थी पायल.  उसे साल में दो बार ही तो इतना ख़ास महसूस कराया जाता.  उसका जन्मदिन भी सिर्फ उसकी माँ ही मनाती. आज उसे पांच घरों में कन्या पूजन के लिए बुलाया गया था.  नवरात्रों में उसे यह दिन बहुत अच्छे लगते हैं.  जिसके भी घर जाती वहां उसे प्यार से बिठाया जाता, पूजा की जाती, अच्छा अच्छा खाना खिलाया जाता, तोहफे दिए जाते.

पायल की माँ सीमा सुबह से नवरात्रों के आयोजन में लगी हुई थी.  सुबह ५ बजे से उठकर पूजा पाठ किया, सबके लिए नाश्ता बनाया, व्रत का खाना बनाया, और अब कन्या पूजन की तैयारियों में जुटी हुई थी.  किसीको यह ख्याल नहीं आया की वह ६ महीने की गर्भवती है.  उसकी सास उसे सुबह से बस आदेश और तानें दिए जा रही थी.

सभी ने इस बार देवी माँ से यही मन्नत मांग राखी थी की इस बार सीमा को बेटा हो.  आखिर बहुत मुश्किलों के बाद वह दोबारा माँ बनने वाली थी.  पायल के पैदा होने के बाद से ही उस पर बेटा पैदा करने का दबाव डाला जा रहा था.  पर किसी वजह से वह फिर से माँ नहीं बन पा रही थी.  इसलिए जब नौ साल बाद वह फिर से माँ बननेवाली थी तब सभी ने बस एक ही गुहार लगा रखी थी.  इस बार तो बेटा ही होना चाहिए.  किसी ने कुछ मंत्र दिए, किसीने तावीज़, किसीने कुछ खाने को बोला, किसीने कुछ न करने को बोले, पर किसीने सीमा की भावनाओं की परवाह नहीं की.  किसीने उसका ख्याल नहीं रखा.  आज सुबह से उसे बहुत थकान महसूस हो रही थी पर किसीने उसे एक गिलास पानी तक नहीं पूछा.

मन ही मन वह हंसी, “वाह रे समाज! क्या दोगलापन है तेरा.  एक तरफ देवी माँ की पूजा कर रहे हो, कन्या पूजन कर रहे हो और दूसरी तरफ एक औरत का तिरस्कार कर रहे हो, एक अजन्मे बच्चे के लिए यह प्रार्थना कर रहे हो की वह बेटी न पैदा हो.  क्या यही बेहतर नहीं होगा की एक जीती जागती कन्या को साल में दो दिन न पूजकर रोज़ उसे सम्मान दिया जाए, उसके जन्म पर खुशियां मनाई जाए?  देवियों को जितना पूजा जाता है उसका आधा मान भी घर की बेटी और बहुओं को दिया जाए?”

तभी नन्ही पायल सज धज कर सीमा के सामने आई और मुस्कुरा कर पूछा, “माँ, मैं कैसी लग रही हूँ? जब मेरी बहन आएगी तब उसकी भी पूजा होगी ना?”

सीमा ने प्यार से पायल का माथा चूमा और ढृढ़ होकर बोली, “हाँ, अगर तेरी बहन आई तो उसकी भी पूजा होगी, हम दोनों करेंगे, सिर्फ दो दिन नहीं सारी ज़िंदगी के लिए मैं तुम दोनों का कन्या पूजन करुँगी.”

I am a very rich woman.  Yes, I have a lot of wealth which I can use whenever I wish to and you know who made me rich?  My husband.  I bask in the wealth that he showers on me.

Let me tell you how I became a rich woman thanks to my husband.

1.  My husband showered me with unconditional love.  This is the one property that my husband has in abundance and which I use everyday.

2.  His second property is patience.  I can’t tell you how much I enjoy this luxury.  He is so rich in patience and calmness that even I have accumulated this wealth from him over the years.

3.  You know what my husband’s most expensive gift has been?  To let me be and not trying to change myself.  Since the day he married me, this expensive gift is something that I have treasured, cherished.  Not many women, unfortunately even in this day and age, get this gift from their husbands.

4.  We have each asset and property divided in equal halves; equal parenting, sharing household responsibilities equally, equality in way we treat each other’s parents and extended families, equality in chasing dreams, equality in spending.

5.  You know I own many pieces of exquisite jewelry that he has gifted me.  Two priceless jewels are our children.  Then is the jewelry of his support and motivation whenever I am down or feel like giving up.  There is one more priceless possession that is with me all the time, my smile.  Isn’t smile very expensive these days?

6.  Despite being 40+ my face has a glow and radiance.  I use a very expensive cream you know.  The cream of love and satisfaction.

People say that I have changed a lot after marriage.  Why not..after all I have amassed so much wealth?  Shouldn’t I be proud of the wealth that I have accumulated over the years from my husband?  I am a rich woman after all..