Why is it so hard for some people to believe that times are changing, world is evolving?  Also, correlating the changing times and technology with lazy parents and selfish kids has become a norm.  Yes, this is a generation of apps.  I admit there are times that I don’t like to slog in the kitchen and I order food from the app.  I don’t like traveling by public transport and book a cab using my app.  I pay my bills through an app.  Does that really make me a lazy mom or a bad parent setting a bad example for my kids?  NO..

Imparting right values has got nothing to do with technology or apps.  If I don’t cook for a day or 2, my children won’t judge me and label me as a bad mother.  Also, if my kids use apps I won’t call them selfish or self-centered.  Teaching the children value of money, imparting them values such as compassion and love has got nothing to with their app usage.  My son uses public transport most of the times but on days he might book a cab for him and his friends.  Does that make him selfish or the fact that he doesn’t value his parents’ hard-earned money?  Does a woman not slogging 12 hours in a kitchen make her a selfish/lazy mom/wife?

Technology and right values can go hand in hand.  Times have changed, dynamics have evolved, parenting has become more difficult, but generalizing moms as lazy and kids are selfish all the time is not right.  Its not that during our childhood there were no self-centered children or negligent parents.  So, once and for all stop generalizing..

‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

Past 2 weeks had been extremely nerve wracking for Ratna.  Her daughter Pia had just gone to Bangalore about a month ago to join her new job and within a few days she complained of being followed by some one.  Pia said she could feel his presence near her rented apartment, her office, in the bus, near the office.  He would simply stand and stare at her creepily.

Ratna advised Pia to lodge a police complaint and never venture out alone.  Pia lodged a police complaint and from the next day the stalker was nowhere to be seen.  Pia sighed a breath of relief.  Finally, she was free and happy again.  But within 2 days Pia started getting blank calls.  Soon, the stalker started saying obscene and nonsensical stuff over the phone.  Pia soon started getting panic attacks.

Ratna decided to be with her daughter in Bangalore now for a few days till the time the stalker was caught and punished.  Ratna was a single parent.  She and her husband had divorced when Pia was 6 months old.  Her husband was abusive, drunkard, and a womanizer.  When Pia was around 5 months old in a state of drunken stupor her husband had dangled Pia upside down from the balcony.  Ratna had decided that very day that she cannot survive with this dangerous man.

No sooner did Ratna arrive in Bangalore, Pia hugged her and started sobbing like a baby.  Ratna could not see her darling daughter like this.  She personally went to the police and requested them to handle the case and catch the stalker.  Police decided to tab the phone.  After a lot of cat and mouse chase, finally the police managed to nab the stalker.  Both mother and daughter cried with relief.

Ratna had to join back her work and after her daughter’s reassurance she came back home.  ‘She Turned The Key In The Lock And Opened The Door’. She froze for a moment when she saw a silhouette near her bedroom door.  She switched on the lights with trembling fingers.  Soon that silhouette emerged and stood in front of her.  It didn’t take her one minute to recognize the face that she hated the most.  The balding head and white beard could not overshadow those creepy eyes and smile.  It was her ex-husband smiling creepily at her.

He said with a shameless grin, “So, you thought you can keep me away from my daughter..huh?  She has turned out to be a beauty just like you.  Do you really believe that police can keep me jailed for long?  I will go and watch my daughter everyday again, everywhere she goes..”

Ratna stood speechless, trembling with rage and fear…

The other day my 15-year-old son decided to attend the Bandra Lil Flea, a flea market, with his friends.  Since it is holiday time, he and his friends decided to make the most of it.  Since Mumbai is a vast city, most of his friends are located in different areas.  Two of his female friends reside in our area.  So, my son and those girls went together.  It was a bit late when they came back.  My son dropped his two female friends and then came home.

This is not the first time that my son has done this.  He ensures always that after a party or even otherwise his female friends reach home safely and then he comes home.  Many people have appreciated this gesture of my son and I am proud of him.  But shouldn’t this be the norm?  Most parents of my son’s female friends know him and can blindly trust their daughters in his company as they know him from a long time and know that their daughters will be safe with him.  Wouldn’t I want such a friend for my daughter as well?

In an age of #MeToo where more and more women are coming out with horrid tales of their abuse sometimes unknowingly the entire male gender is looked at with suspicion and disgust.  Not their fault as one doesn’t know who is good and who is not!

But I am extremely happy and proud that me and my husband have managed to raise a son in this era who is respectful and protective towards girls, believes in gender equality, does household chores, and in general a nice young gentleman.  He has imbibed a lot of qualities from his father and some credit can be given to our upbringing.

Is it difficult to raise a good son?  Not at all!  Simply raise him like you would raise any other good human.  Few pointers to raise an awesome son from my own experience:

1.  Don’t spoil the son by making him believe that he is superior.

2.  Instill good values and discipline right from a very young age.  If the son is aggressive, don’t encourage it by saying that “boys will be boys”, correct him then and there itself.

3.  Teach him to believe in gender equality.  Here the father also plays a very important role.  Sons imbibe a lot by observing their fathers and the overall home environment.

4.  Teach him household chores and cooking.  Don’t make it a “girly” thing.  Its for his own benefit.

5.  Set same rules for both the son and the daughter.  Raise them in a similar fashion.

6.  Talk to your son a lot.  Let him express, let him cry if he wants to.  Don’t ask him to toughen up and not express him emotions since he is a boy.  Don’t ever say that “Boys don’t cry”.

7.  I have talked to my son about menstruation, sex and sexuality as and when he grew up.  Be frank with him.  The more repressed he is the more mistakes will he make.

8.  Teach him about consent.  Most grown-up men don’t know about consent since they were made to believe that men can get away with everything.

Just a few things and you will see your son grow up to be a fine young man whom the world would love and appreciate..

Nobody knows exactly what has gone wrong with Lalu’s son’s marriage and now he is adamant that he won’t come back home till his decision of divorce is agreed upon. Nobody knows his wife’s side of the story though. But isn’t it a typical Indian arranged marriage scenario where the parents and the family play the emotional card? Dad becomes unwell, mother is distraught and stops doing puja, log kya kahenge, ghar ki izzat, and please adjust! So many loveless and hopeless marriages drag because of the pressure created on the couple. Adjust kar lo so what if the couple is unhappy or can’t stand each other! Next suggestion might be, have a child! Who knows!