Yesterday my daughter had an essay writing competition in the school where the topic was despite being a beautiful country why do foreign tourists visit India less than expected. While we both were discussing the reasons, the primary issue being safety, my daughter said, “Yes, I know. Recently Dr. Priyanka Reddy’s brutal rape and murder happened. My friends and me were discussing as to how in many countries the culprits are given death penalty and at times shot in front of the public. Wonder why our judiciary is so slow.”
As a 12-year-old, I didn’t know what rape was all about, but now 12-year-old girls discussing about Nirbhaya or Dr. Reddy’s case gives me a mixed feeling. Yes..they are aware and know what’s happening around, at the same time this is not the environment that they should grow up in. We encourage them to be free, fearless, ambitious, happy but how are they supposed to be all this when the atrocities against women don’t stop!
The best time of the day is the time spent with my children, listening to them, talking to them, hearing their perspective, giving my perspective. The best time is when the tall lanky bodies hug my small frame from behind giving me a peck on the cheek. The best time is when they hear me venting out or see me sulk and try and comfort me. The best time is looking at the sparkle in their eyes when they talk about their dreams.
Let me savor these moments, as I know I will miss these best times 4-5 years down the line when my older child would have flown away from the nest and the younger child would be preparing for it. I wish all their dreams come true yet I will always miss these “best times”..
I have seen so many women complaining that they are overworked on Sundays, vacations, and festivals. They are stressed out with work when there are guests at home. They slog and slog catering in to the demands of the husband, children and guests nonstop! Women..stop just stop!
You are a human not a robot who has no emotions or pain. You are supposed to work relentlessly without complaining, with a smile on face, and run errands and serve everyone like you never ever get tired. Just stop projecting yourself as a superhuman!
Sundays or holidays should be your rest day too. Be more vocal please! Seek help and cooperation from your family. Unless you are vocal no one is going to bother about your tiredness, overwork, stress, aches and pains. Stop making 100s of dishes for everyone, as per their whims. You need to tell your husband and children to help you out in the kitchen if they want dishes of their choice. It is totally unacceptable that they watch TV or play games while you slog and sweat alone. It’s totally okay to order or eat out once in a while. Stop bothering about who judges you.
If the guests come unannounced/announced, try to accommodate your schedule and give a polite hint that you will cook only the basic stuff with may be 1 or 2 delicacies. I have heard and seen women lament that despite cooking delectable dishes no one appreciates, rather everyone believes that the woman could have done more. You don’t need to be rude, but you don’t be a doormat either. Again, stop bothering about who judges you.
In a day and age of nuclear families, working women, women wanting to do more than just slog in the kitchen, families and guest should be helpful and understanding. Women suffer silently and people take her for granted. Don’t try to be an “ideal wife, mother, daughter-in-law, host” rather be more human in your approach. Be the woman who gets help, sits with everyone and eats and chats. Outsourcing and seeking help won’t make you any less of a woman or host. Don’t wait for anyone “allowing or disliking” this approach. You worry about everyone’s comfort and choices, count yourself in them as well.
Again, stop bothering about who judges you. Ask the people who judge you to come and help you, will they?