Social Media Mom

As I opened Facebook in the morning, as usual, there was a flood of notifications from various groups, mostly the mom groups that I am a part of. They were brimming with blogs, pictures, and sermons of various dos and dont’s to become a perfect parent. Some of the articles made the moms specially to feel guilty and kind of pinpointed that their parenting style was all wrong. Don’t hit the child, scold the child, be around them, try to understand their psyche, don’t reprimand them, don’t hurt them, don’t feed them junk, feed them freshly cooked food at all times, don’t fight, don’t cry, etc., etc., etc.
 
Thank God, I became a mom before the social media popularity else I would have been nominated as one of the worst moms by these standards! I have reprimanded my kids, been strict with them, given them junk, have given them food out of the fridge, have cried and yelled in front of them, and all this without having to made feel guilty all the time.
 
Moms are not perfect, they are humans! With the child/children, they also grow, learn, falter, make mistakes. Today when I see my children having grown up into good humans with their values intact, yes with their own set of flaws too!, I believe that I might not have been the most awesome mother but I have been a good mother, as all the other moms in this world.
 
Social media is both useful and harmful. While it imparts a lot of knowledge, somewhere it snatches away the spontaneity, it evokes comparison, it implies perfectness..

Habit of each other..

#HappyValentinesDay
 
What’s Valentine’s Day (and the rest of the days) after more than a decade and a half of marriage?
 
-All bills paid for the month right?
-The card limit needs to be kept under control.
-My joints are hurting, the cold weather has taken a toll it seems.
-Let’s hope that the boy gets into a good college this year.
-The stomach doesn’t seem okay today.
-Can you please leave the mobile and pay attention?
-Its been so long that we haven’t taken a break!
-My hormones are acting up!
-Need to get fitter this year, not getting younger.
 
Before we realize, we become more of a habit of each other; we become more than just life partners..

Couple Goals

The media is going gaga over the newly married celebrities and everyday posting their pictures and giving captions that how they give “couple goals” and how couples should learn from them.

There I smiled to myself. I married a man who earned only 8000/- when we got married, lived in rented 1 BHK in Mumbai, had no car, had no property. He was a man who was 1 foot taller to me. We didn’t have a lavish destination wedding, no expensive gifts, no foreign honeymoon; yet we were happy. Happy because we had no set expectations from each other, happy because we accepted each other with all our flaws, happy because we didn’t try to change each other, happy because a slice of pizza that we shared or the local train journey that we did together was exhilarating.

Present day, after 16 years of marriage, we are richer by experience, children and a bit by money, but still we smile with each other sharing a slice of pizza…

Couple goals are when you can smile with each other even after going through all the trials and errors of life..

Soulmates

#Soulmates
#Notkidsrelated
 
Today morning had a slight tiff with my husband. He asked me for breakfast and I refused. I could hear him making breakfast in the kitchen. Like all these years, I waited for him to come and “manao” me. Five minutes went by and he didn’t come. I thought, “He has changed so much. He doesn’t care about me like he used to.”
 
Just then I had a tap on my shoulder. “Open your mouth without any nakhras and have a morsel. Bahot nautanki karti ho”, that was my husband. He fed me breakfast.
 
Yes, my husband has changed. His hair has streaks of grey, he has job tensions. He is worried about the future of me and my kids always. He is not getting younger. Unlike us women, men have nowhere to vent their worries, frustrations and emotions. They can’t cry on the drop of hat like us. They don’t open up easily. We believe they have changed or are not bothered, but is that always so?
 
In five minutes, I assumed so many things. Tomorrow we celebrate our 16 years of togetherness and like all these years he “manaoed” me once again..

The day I realized I was strong and vulnerable…

Every mom knows that motherhood is a challenging journey.  When I got my first bundle of joy, my son, in my arms, I just looked at him and thought, “How am I going to raise this little creature?”  Being in a nuclear set-up, it was only the strong support of my husband that helped me sail through this journey.

Time went by and 5 years later I gave birth to a beautiful daughter.  Just when I had settled in raising one child, I had the challenge of raising two children.  I didn’t want to do injustice to either child of mine.

Moms who are in nuclear family will agree that its so difficult at times to raise 2 small kids without any support.  There are days when I used to fall ill, my husband used to travel, both kids would fall ill simultaneously, and I would say, “I give up!  I can’t do this anymore.”

But then there are defining moments in this long parenting journey when you suddenly realize that you are much more capable and stronger than you think you are!

It was a rainy July evening.  My husband had gone to Dubai for office work.  My son was finishing his homework and my daughter was fooling around.  My son was 7 years old then and my daughter was 2.  As it happens in any toddler’s house, toys were scattered around the floor.  I used to clear them up once my daughter was done with her playing.

My daughter was drinking water from a glass and before I could realize she spilled it.  I went to get a cloth to wipe the water.  Suddenly, I heard a loud thud and my daughter’s cry.  I ran to the room and saw that my daughter had slipped and fallen down.  When I took her in my arms, I saw that she was bleeding from her head.  I looked around and saw that the edge of a broken toy had pierced her scalp.

I froze for a moment.  The sight of blood from your child makes you go numb.  But I couldn’t waste any time.  My son also got disturbed.  I calmly told my son, “Stay at home.  Don’t go anywhere.  I am going to the doctor.”

It was 8:30 in the night.  It was raining still.  I got an auto, went to the doctor.  Being a Saturday, there was a long queue.  But there are good Samaritans everywhere.  All the other parents saw that my daughter was bleeding and they allowed me to go first.

The doctor fixed the wound with two staples, dressed it, gave medicine, and reassured that it wasn’t serious.  I was relieved!

I came back home.  My daughter was fine by then.  I laughed and played with both my children.  We had dinner and I put my kids to sleep.

And then, I broke down.  I was shaken.  My biggest support, my hubby, wasn’t around too.  I couldn’t show my fear in front of my little, already shaken kids.  I cried for some time and then I realized that I had been so strong that evening.

Mothers have to be strong.  Life throws many situations where the mother cannot give up, cannot break down.  She has to fight, has to act wisely, has to use her presence of mind.

Today my children are 15 and 10 years old, but that incident still haunts me.  It was one of those incidents where I was both strong and vulnerable..

We are Bengalis but..

The other someone asked my husband in disbelief, “So, you are a Bengali?” 😱
This is not the first time that we have faced this question. Any stranger after starting a conversation after some point always ask one question.  Where are you from?  I have always felt like saying that “I am an Indian”🙄. Anyways, I have always replied, “I am a Bengali.”  Pat comes the next question, “So, you are from Kolkata?”  Now starts the whole explanation part😀.  I can never answer this question in one line.  The thought-out reply goes something like, “Even though I am a Bengali, I have never stayed in Kolkata.  I was born in Madhya Pradesh, raised in MP and Gujarat, and finally in Mumbai after marriage.  So, you see I am a true blue Indian!”
My husband thanks to his unusual name and surname has to face the same question!  He again goes explaining, “Yes, I am a Bengali, born and brought up in Himachal Pradesh, studied in Dehradun and Himachal and now in Mumbai!”
The fact that we both don’t look like Bengalis adds to the confusion!!
We both are more connected to Gujarat and Himachal respectively as we spent our childhood there.  My husband loves his kadhi chawal more than fish curry and rice and I am more inclined towards Kathiyawad than Shantiniketan!😁
So, now when my kids gets asked the same question, they simply answer..we are Mumbaikars!  Else the explanation will go on…😜

Goodbye school

In 2007 we relocated to Mumbai again. With one kid in my tummy and the other reaching below my knees, I came for my toddler’s school admission before relocating. The school had a nice warm feeling to it. It wasn’t a big or hi-fi school. All I wanted was my son to learn, be happy and a school where I could approach the teachers. My son got admission in senior KG and his journey in this school began. This is the school where a shy little toddler learnt studies, made a whole bunch of friends, had bittersweet experiences with teachers, had few great teachers, learnt to be confident, learnt to deal with all kinds of students and teachers, learnt teamwork, learnt to deal with success and failures, had his crushes…
 
Today is the last formal day of my son in this school. Tomorrow he has his farewell. The shy little toddler that entered in the school in 2007 walks out as a confident, strapping teenager with loads of memories, friends, and some tears..
 
#goodbyeschool