ritwika16

Raise both genders well

#fromthemotherofasonandadaughter
 
Excess of anything is bad! Generations didn’t teach their sons to share household work, cooking or being compassionate, it seems the entire onus is now on our generation moms. Open FB and everyday I read “Teach your sons this, teach them that!” I totally agree and have made best efforts to make my son a humble, compassionate, helpful guy who knows household chores and cooking!
 
But have you seen the girls these days?😃 Gone are the days when daughters were raised submissive and subservient. I can give a totally unbiased opinion and experience being the mom of both the genders. Sometimes in trying to be gender equal, I tend to be harder on my son!
 
Let’s focus more on “Teach your kids this and that”! Aisa na ho that 20 years down the line our children as parents get to read “Teach your daughters this and that!”
 
Raise both genders well..
ritwika16

Savor the moment

Lately, seen a lot of posts where young moms are unhappy and have feeling of worthlessness after having a baby and quitting their jobs.  Again, there is another set of women who feel guilty leaving their babies behind and going to work.  There are people who are unhappy being in a small town.  Then there are disgruntled people who want to get away from the busy city life.

Human nature is such.  We are never content with what we have.  We look at others and yearn for what they have, not knowing about their battles or difficulties.  Once we make a choice let’s be happy with it.  Savor each moment, life life to the fullest.  You never know what turn life might take the very next moment.

Each one of us has our share of hardships and small battles to fight.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  One has to find happiness in life, enjoy each day with the loved ones and be thankful for it.  Many might want to be in our shoes..

 

ritwika16

Power of appreciation

#selfappreciation
 
Often parents teach their children to not appreciate themselves or even they don’t really appreciate their children aloud as they fear it might sound boastful or the child might become overconfident/complacent. What happens eventually is that the child starts lacking self-esteem somewhere and as adults we see so many people around us, educated and well placed, lacking self-esteem.
 
There is a difference between boasting and appreciation. We tend to criticize ourselves, our children, people around us very easily. Then why is that appreciation doesn’t come to us that easily? Putting down our spouse or children comes across so naturally, especially in public platforms, in the vicinity, among friends; but why do we hesitate in appreciating them? I would say as women we need to pat out back more often. I see so many women multitasking, doing wonderfully, yet criticizing themselves all the time; be it their appearance, their parenting, their job, their home.
 
Along with all the values, let’s also instill the value of elevating self-esteem of our children. We guide them to work on their negatives and be critical about it, lets also teach how to be positive about themselves. As such, the world is ever ready to point out our negatives!
ritwika16

Strong Women

#womenatwork
 
I blog and I also work from home on various things since the past many years now. In due course of events and training, I have met so many women from all walks of life, all kinds of backgrounds. Yes..most of them are mothers; mothers of kids of various age groups. Some have supportive parents, in-laws or spouse who take care of the children or keep the kids in daycare while the women are attending the event or training, but still these women multitask there!
 
On call and WhatsApp, they keep on checking their kids. Some days the spouse, in-laws or parents are unable to pitch in and the women somehow manage that day. They call the sabziwala to deliver the veggies at home,they call up the daycare in between to ask about their kids. Sometimes they get calls from the teachers of the kids in between, sometimes some relative calls. Some days the child is unwell and the mom is sad. Some days she had a hard time with her in-laws or parents. Some day she herself is upset or unwell.
 
But still such women keep going because they have the passion to do something, they want to learn and earn, they want their talent to get nurtured and recognized.
 
Women are strong, gifted, inspiring, talented..I am glad I have met so many..
ritwika16

Ask for help and don’t be scared to say #MujheSabNahiPata

All of us have often heard this quote, “Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mother”.  But does motherhood come with a manual? No, it doesn’t. Then why does the society expect that a mother should know everything, have answer to every question, and solutions to all the problems related to her children? Why have we forgotten that she is as human as anyone else and is learning every day from experiences?

Recently, SC Johnson’s All Out has launched a hard-hitting and brilliant campaign with a message that encourages mothers to say #MujheSabNahiPata. A short film, (https://www.facebook.com/AllOutIN/videos/256425565275319/ ) which appropriately captures a mother’s dilemma when her child suffers from dengue, catching her off-guard, has touched a chord with millions of mothers, across the country. The ad which is relatable to all moms who have had to face the pressures of societal conditioning has gone viral and within no time garnered over 85 million views.

It indeed takes a tough mom to say #MujheSabNahiPata because we are always susceptible to judgement, if we don’t know anything related to our children, and it gets worse if god forbid, anything serious happens to them. To further discuss this topic, All Out in association with First Moms Club (FMC) and Mom Junction organised an event where moms from various walks of life, with kids of various age groups, gathered to discuss about motherhood and yes #MujheSabNahiPata.

The event began with a panel discussion comprising Ruchita Dar Shah, Founder, FMC; Dr. Samir Dalwai, renowned paediatrician; Ms. Rupal Patel, child psychologist and parenting coach; moderated by Ms. Chandrama Deshmukh of Mom Junction. The cherry on the cake was the presence of celebrity mom Sonali Bendre on the panel who is the voice of the campaign. Sharing her story of being a mother she said that people expected that as a celebrity, she would have it easy with an army of help around her. But like all other moms, she had her share of anxiety and guilt while raising her son. Speaking about how the campaign is a platform for mothers to feel empowered, she inspired all of us in the audience to let go of our inhibitions and share more, so that together, everyone can grow as parents.

The moms in the audience opened their hearts to share their #MujheSabNahiPata stories. Some women shared poignant incidences where they spoke about how they were blamed and shamed for delivering babies through C-section, their inability to breastfeed and how they were accused of being negligent when their kids fell ill. Shah, being the founder of one of the largest online mom community, shared that the motive behind FMC was to create a platform where moms could share, ask, and vent without being judged. Apart from sharing his experience of meeting anxious moms as a paediatrician, Dr Dalwai also shed light on the often-missed signs and symptoms of dengue and tips that mothers can practice for staying more guarded from the disease. He also spoke about the reoccurrence of the disease and myths people have around platelet counts, fluctuating fever and children’s activity levels during dengue.

To me, the film and the discussion on dengue brought back bitter memories. A few years ago, when my son was diagnosed with this deadly illness, I went through hell as it was my #MujheSabNahiPata moment.  Like all moms, I felt guilty as to why I couldn’t shield my son from this tough time. I wondered why despite me maintaining hygiene in the house, the virus affected my son. Something I didn’t know was cleared during the session when Dr. Dalwai mentioned that dengue-carrying mosquitoes breed in clean water and could infect even during daytime.

The crux of the discussion was that in a world of constantly emerging threats, it is okay for moms to not know everything and that they should accept this fact without fear and guilt. After all, parenting is an everyday learning process and moms discover new aspects of it with each passing day and year of the child’s life.

At the end of this wonderful session, all of us pledged to keep reminding ourselves and other moms that it is okay to not know everything, and it’s okay to admit #MujheSabNahiPata. We marked the pledge by tying a knot in our scarves and dupattas, a traditional practice followed by women to remind themselves of something that they may forget. I would urge you all to share your stories with each other in the comments section to be better prepared for the future.

I would like to sign off by saying, “Moms, if you don’t know, the thing to do is not to get scared, but to learn.”

ritwika16

Let’t take charge..

The horrific and shocking murder of a 12-year-old boy by 2 class 12 boys in a school in Dehradun compels me to write this. No child, here let me talk about boys, is born a criminal. Then what happens as he starts growing up? In a male-crazed nation like ours, parents allow the boys to get away with everything right from the childhood stating “bachcha hai” or “ladke to aisa karte hi hain.” I see so many new moms scared to discipline their children, crying or getting sad if their children insult them. Aggression is thought to be a “boy” thing and hence never corrected. Rules are imposed on girls but rarely those rules are applied to the boys. Values of compassion, love, forgiveness, empathy, sympathy are thought to be “girlie”. Boys don’t cry, can’t be vulnerable, can’t show their weak side, can’t fail, can’t be wrong. They are “mard” after all.
 
I have a son too who is now 16 and he has turned out to be a good guy. No, he wasn’t born like this, me and my husband took great efforts to raise him like this. I have the same set of rules for both my son and daughter. I have taught both of them love, compassion, humanity. I have rebuked and reprimanded both of them when they have faltered or misbehaved. I still am not shy of scolding or punishing my son if he is wrong. I am the parent and I am not scared that he will hate me. He must have hated me many a times in his childhood when I was strict and even now, but if that temporary hate allows him to be a good human so be it. I talk to him, try to analyze and watch his behavioral changes, aggression at times, and correct them as and when required. Today when people compliment for my son’s values and behavior, all I say is it wasn’t easy, but as a parent it was and will be my responsibility so that tomorrow some other parent/child doesn’t get affected by his behavior.
 
We are the parents, lets keep an eye, talk, love, take charge..
ritwika16

The ever smiling maushi (ayah)

My daughter Ishani got promoted to class 7 today. She has been studying in this school from nursery, so it will be 9 years in this school now. When she was in nursery, there was a particular maushi (ayah) with whom Ishani was very attached to. The maushi was a mild, middle-aged lady who was very good with little kids and was very fond of the little chubby Ishani. I have never seen her annoyed in all these years. Today my daughter has grown taller than that maushi who has now grown a little more older yet her calm demeanor and lovely smile remain the same. Whenever she meets me she smiles and greets politely. Ishani still loves this maushi very much.
 
Some people leave a lasting impression even without actually uttering any word. She is much better than many educated, well-placed opportunists whom, I am sure, we all have encountered who don’t acknowledge or communicate once they feel we are “of no use” to them.
 
Ishani is out of the nursery section years back yet that maushi never fails to acknowledge me with her smile. I will be of “no use” to her ever, still she smiles..
 
The world needs more noble souls like her..